“This is the first generation of children growing up with smartphones… and the first generation of parents trying to figure it all out.”
If you are a parent wondering how to manage your child’s phone use, you are not alone. A recent study shows a significant rise in mobile phone use among 12-year-olds, and at the same time, a significant rise in mental health needs in this age group. It can feel worrying, confusing, and overwhelming.
But with some understanding and a clear plan, you can help your child use their phone in a safe and healthy way.
Zooming In: What Makes Phones So Hard to Put Down?
- All screens are not equal.
- TV usually has a storyline. We can walk past and quickly see what our child is watching.
- Laptops are often used for schoolwork or writing. This challenges cognitive skills, focus, attention and creativity.
- Mobile phones, however, give fast, bite-sized, never-ending content.
“Phones are designed to keep the dopamine flowing—easy to get into, hard to get out of.”
Short videos, messages, notifications, and endless scrolls activate the reward system in the brain. For a 12-year-old, this can mean mindless scrolling, even when they didn’t plan to.
And unlike TV, it’s much harder to monitor what a child is viewing on a phone unless you are sitting right next to them or have the right controls in place.
The “Bad Part of Town”
Dubai is an incredibly safe city. Because of that, it’s easy to forget that the internet also includes places we would never let our child visit in real life.
“We wouldn’t drop a 12-year-old alone in a dangerous neighbourhood… so why hand them a phone without teaching them how to stay safe online?”
Children need guidance, boundaries, and training before being sent into the digital world—just as we would prepare them before navigating real-life challenges.
The Content Problem: What Children Are Really Seeing
Research shows that many young people see pornography before age 13, not because they go looking for it, but because:
- Friends send it
- Algorithms suggest it
- Pop-ups appear
- Social media exposes them to adult or harmful content
Social media can also increase:
- Social anxiety due to comparisons
- Feelings of loneliness or exclusion
- Fear of missing out (FOMO)
Some countries have even banned certain apps for children because of the risks to mental health.
Parents Are Figuring It Out Without a Blueprint
This generation of parents is the first navigating smartphone parenting. There is no rule book. Most parents end up reacting to problems after they occur rather than planning ahead.
We teach children how to eat healthy, how to exercise, how to study and how to stay safe in the real world. But many children receive a phone with no plan, no training, and no expectations. A phone is a powerful tool. Children need a roadmap to use, not free roaming.
Zooming Out: Phones Are Not the Enemy
It’s important not to blame phones for everything. When used in the correct way, they can serve as a positive tool for connection, learning, entertainment and to keep us safe too.
Many children today also have fewer hobbies, spend less time outdoors, have limited free play and less exercise due to previous generations. When a child has no healthy activities to fill their time, the phone naturally becomes the easiest option. But too much screen time is linked to poor sleep, obesity, difficulty concentrating, reduced motivation, lower mood. Finding the balance is the key.
Practical Tips for Parents
- Make a Clear Phone Plan Before They Get the Phone:
Include rules such as:
- Time limits
- No phones in bedrooms at night
- Type of monitoring you will use
- What counts as “safe use”
Start with close monitoring until they show responsible habits. A young person that shows awareness of threats and responsible behaviour for phone use, is a young person that is ready to access it more independently.
- Teach Internet Safety. Don’t Assume They Know:
Show them:
- Examples of phishing emails
- How to spot fake accounts
- How easy it is to find private information when privacy settings are off
Make safety part of normal conversation, not a one-time talk.
- Talk About Online Contact With Strangers:
Help them practise what to do if:
- Someone they don’t know contacts them
- Someone sends something inappropriate
- They feel unsafe or uncomfortable
Give them high expectations to be responsible—but also an open door to come to you when things go wrong.”
- Build Offline Life as Much as Online Safety:
Encourage:
- Sports, exercise and multisensory activities
- Hobbies
- Time outdoors
- Family time
A full, active offline life naturally reduces screen time.
Final Thoughts
Aim for less independence online and more independence in real life.
Monitor your child’s online world more closely, especially on phones and focus on building their skills, interests and real-life confidence.
With guidance, balance, and open communication, phones can be just one part of a healthy, happy childhood.
Written by: Grainne Parish (Boyle), Psychologist and Managing Director at Insights Psychology.
